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Hacking Online Dating The Grumo Way

Back in 2008 I was single again after a 4 and a half year relationship and was ready to start looking for a new partner.
My younger sister had just become engaged with a fine gentleman she found online and she encouraged me to try my luck at the online dating game too.

The timing at work was perfect, business was very slow and we had lots of spare time to fiddle around on the Internet.
I decided to try an experimental approach to online dating to maximize my chances of finding the best possible partner in the least amount of time.

The online dating experiment broken down

My goal was to date 20 women in 60 days.
At the end not only did I reach my goal, I met 20 wonderful women, found 2 great girlfriends and eventually one became my wife.
Here is how I did it:

  • Signed up for LavaLife for two months. (or similar site that allows you to send a smile/poke with just one click).
  • Filtered all single women between the ages of 22 to 32 within a 30 km radius.
  • I got 2000 results.
  • Sent 2000 smiles to the 2000 women over the span of 5 days (400 smiles a day at about a smile every 5 seconds).
  • Waited for smiles back.
  • Got about 250 smiles back.
  • Sent a slightly customized copy and paste email to the 250 women asking to meet me for a date.
  • Went on 20 dates in 60 days exactly (actually went on more because I repeated dates with 5 women).
  • Dated 2 great women for 6 months after the experiment (mistake).
  • Eventually got dumped by both but got back with one.
  • I married the one last year and we are very happy together.

So that is the super short version of what happened.
Some people think making an experiment out of dating people is unethical.
Some other people, especially guys, think it is awesome and keep asking me to re-tell the story.

I call this technique the "carpet bombing" technique because you are shooting bullets like Tony Montana in Scarface and hope that a few land on their target. Well, not sure what Tony's odds were, I think he died way before he could do the math, but statistics work the same in movies, war, quantum mechanics and why not, online dating.

Notice also that I did not pay much attention to the girls profile picture or description in the first round of 2000 smiles.
My theory was that the ones that would reply would do the leg work for me by reading my profile and determining if I was worth their smile or not.
My assumption proved out to be correct because most of the women that replied to my smiles turned out to be women which I would have considered eligible candidates if I had done the selection myself.

I am a true believer that success is a matter of trial and error, and with enough tries you are almost guaranteed to get what you want.
It seems that the old 1 in 10 rule works. I dated 20 women, got 2 girlfriends.
About 10 percent of the women I sent a smile to replied. About 10 percent of the women that sent a smile back became dates.

Despite my success I made a few mistakes. The biggest one was to date two women simultaneously.
That was the cause of much stress and drama. It was fun to a point but I should have stopped it way before they both become emotionally attached to me.

Tips to increase your odds

If for some reason you are crazy enough to want to try this same approach let me give you some pointers to maximize your odds.

DISCLAIMER: These techniques worked for me and I cannot guarantee they will work for anyone else.
If you are very good looking, over 6' tall, rich, famous, or a natural seducer you need no advice.
Women will flock to you and you will have the opposite problem which is dealing with too much attention.
On the other hand if the odds are somewhat stacked against you like, you are ugly, short, poor, don't take showers[1], shy, then you are going to need to use a similar approach if you ever want to find a suitable partner.

1. Create a great looking genuine profile
First impressions are most important. Your profile pictures and description have to be as good as possible.
Make sure your face can be seen clearly, that you are smiling and may be having a good time with your friends.
Having a good picture is the most important thing as it is the number one way to catch your potential date's interest.

Don't write a very long description about yourself and what you're looking for. Be genuine and make sure you proofread your text to avoid spelling and grammar mistakes.

If you have the time and skill and the site allows it, record a short video describing yourself and what you are looking for.
Make sure the images and sound are clear. No need to say that shots of abs and crotches will do you no good.
Now, you can take the video production up a notch and have something witty and semi professional produced like I did (See videos below). The videos will help improve your odds tremendously as long as your sense of humor and personality come across.

2. Contact 2000 women and start scheduling dates
So let's assume you are average everything. Average looking, average height[2], average income, average smarts, etc.
If you follow my approach (contact 2000 women) you will be going on a date about every other day for 2 months.
If you are working full time you will have only evenings and weekends to schedule dates.

Managing all these dates gets quite complicated as soon as you start getting repeat dates.
The longer you keep getting new dates the harder it gets to re-schedule previous dates.
In theory, you could date 7 different girls a week but in reality once you start having repeats you can only really schedule about 3 new girls a week.

You can push the boundaries and I did. You can schedule two women the same night, but what if the first date progresses?
You will have to cancel your second date, ignore her calls, make her mad, and it can get very ugly very quickly.

After a few dates you will have trouble remembering names and stories. Again, calling a woman the wrong name or associating the wrong story to the wrong woman will lead to disaster in no time.

3. Use an excel sheet to manage and rate your dates
To avoid confusion I created a spreadsheet. Yes, call me crazy, but it worked like a charm. I never made a mistake, I always remembered our last conversation. All the logistics were carefully tracked over a fairly complex Google Docs spreadsheet.
On that spreadsheet I tracked their names, contact info, keywords defining their personalities, and even a 1 to 5 rating system for personality, looks, relationship stage, her interest in me, and my interest in her.
(Now that I think about it all I did was to implement my own CRM approach the same way salesman do to keep track of their leads)

My original goal was to pursue only those dates whose combined averages were closer to 5.
In reality the rating system was not necessary. When I met the 2 girls that I ended up dating for months after there was no need to track averages anymore.

UPDATE: If you are interested in replicating this experiment I actually created an online course where I teach in much detail step-by-step how can you meet the love of your life HERE.

4. Don't force people to like you. When you meet the right one you will know right away
It is so true, when you meet someone that is is right for you and vice-versa, you will know right away.
So lesson, if you don't have a deep connection with someone after the first date it is a pretty good indication that you must keep on looking.

5. Schedule dates on evenings, preferably weekends or holidays
Another factor that improved results seems obvious in hindsight. Dates on Friday nights or Saturday evenings always turned out to be more interesting. By interesting I mean not just intellectually interesting, but that too.

Any work day is not as good. In fact, the earlier in the week the worse your odds. Mondays people don't feel like partying a lot.
If people have to work next day the chances of spending a night with a guy are less because they have to get up early to work, same goes for you!

6. Avoid meeting for coffee
Meeting for coffee is very typical but lame. Specially during lunch breaks. Again, you are thinking of work, not very romantic setting.

7. Never go watch a movie on a first date
Never go watch a movie on the first date. It just creates an awkward situation. You just met someone and instead of getting to know them you are wasting valuable time staring at a screen.

8. Work on your most attractive trait - SELF CONFIDENCE
At the end of the day the most attractive quality a man can have is confidence. Yes, looks, money, fame too.
But those are superficial traits and if you are looking for a meaningful relationship your best option is to work on your confidence.
It has been said a million times but holds true for dating, don't expect anyone to like you if you are not capable of liking yourself first.

9. All women like to have fun. Have fun!
Another thing, all women ultimately like to have fun[3]. So do what you can to genuinely provide your date with an entertaining experience. Stay away from dull and sad topics, like politics, religion, disasters, conspiracy theories, etc.

10. Be open minded and ready to learn
I am not an expert at dating and if I were I am sure I would not have resorted to such a convoluted way to find a partner.
If you are as geeky and shy as I was back then this may be an interesting option for you to pursue.
You will learn a lot about women, dating, and especially yourself.

So ultimately you want to have a good time and get to know someone else. Online dating makes it easier than ever before, so go out on date and have lots of fun!

What do you think of this experiment? Have you ever heard of anyone doing something similar or done anything similar to get a date yourself?
Do you think I am nuts, a genius, insane, or awesome for doing this?
Let me know in the comments. And if you liked this post please click the Facebook or Twitter button below.

And you may ask, what has this got to do with Grumo and awesome demo videos?
Well, to increase my odds with online dating I decided to spice up my profile by producing a series of self-promotional ads.
I am not sure now, but in 2008 you could upload up to 30 secs long videos to your profile.
Most people uploaded lame, boring, stupid web cam recorded videos that were creepier than anything else.
I wanted to test if producing a fun little video could actually help, and it did!

I was lucky enough to work at a TV production house and had access to lots of professional video equipment.
I told my friends about my idea and they loved it. In no time we produced a few videos.
Here you have two of them:

The same way these little demo videos of myself helped me get more dates, great demo videos for your products will help you improve your conversion rates and land those dates, I mean.. sales đŸ˜‰

To get your own awesome demo video produced click here.

[1] Now, please do shave and take showers. One of the things women appreciate the most is hygiene. They are way more susceptible to odors and overall lack of cleanliness than most men.
[2] At 5'-6" I suffer from the cute munchkin syndrome. Most women prefer taller guys. Being the average height of women automatically eliminates half of your choices, sad but true.
However, I think I am one of the exceptions because I love tall women. My wife is almost 5-11 and all my ex-girlfriends except 2 have been considerably taller than me. So there you go shorties, I am the living proof that there is hope for the shorter man, thank God!
[3] Women like to have fun. Watch this funny video by Luke Muehlhauser explaining this

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