This article is part of a blog series where Grumo attempts to define common terms in a nonsensical and sometimes politically incorrect way. Please do take all statements with a grain of salt or acetyl-para-aminophenol.
Sex is what your daddy did to your mommy and about 9 months later she shot you into the world.
Originally humans and all other animals had sex to have babies..
Today humans have sex most of the time because it is fun.. very very fun!
So to avoid the babies they put things on or take medicines so they can enjoy the benefits and not the consequences of sex..
Although most of the time people that have sex don’t have kids, the world is still full of people because there are many countries that don’t put things or take medicines and they have many babies all the time!
This only means that the countries that don’t have sex for kids will get smaller and smaller and the ones that do bigger and bigger.. this is called “retarded” evolution and it is the first time in history where parts of a species have decided to disappear from the planet.. on purpose!.. or mostly out of selfishness because you know.. babies are a lot of work! they are very expensive to feed and put through school, not to mention they poop a lot when they are small.. ewwww!
Although sex it is lots of fun grown ups don’t look very smart when they have sex, you know they make funny noises and sweat a lot.
You see, the urge to have sex has existed in our brains much before we could learn to speak, write books about philosophy or build bridges.. so when we think or have sex we turn into primitive animals, very much like our close cousins the monkeys!
BTW, there are many ways to practice sex, the first place is in your mind.. and it is usually the most fun and less risky. It is less risky because it is impossible to get pregnant having sexual fantasies and also you cannot get in trouble with your partner if you have sex with 3 large black men in your mind.. just don’t tell otherwise you may trigger yet another powerful animal feeling called jealousy.. ohh noo
The second most common way to have sex is with a real person and the most accepted way to so it’s by ensuring that the person belongs to the opposite sex, agrees to join you in the fun, and of course that he/she is very drunk!
Other forms of having sex are less accepted depending on where you were born.. some people have sex with people of the same sex but that’s fine too! and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Some people like to have sex with objects, the most typical object is called a dildo which is basically a fake penis made of plastic or some fancy metal. Some of them come with batteries and many women swear these devices are much more pleasurable than real thing.. go figure!
It is advisable to stay away from having sex with animals since it can be full of dangers, diseases, or even jail time.
Should you have weird sexual urges consult your nearest psychiatrist or the web for proper advice and medicines.
Because having sex is soo much fun a lot of people like to try it with many different people which is great because practice makes better. Just make sure you get lots of practice before you get married.